I was in the university when Theo found his way into my life. He was smitten with me the moment he laid his eyes on me. He didn’t say anything but I knew it. I tend to have that effect on men. They all wanted me, and they still do. There were those who wanted a taste of me. There were also others who desired to own me. I am that girl who is every man’s type but my charisma was so intimidating that only the brave few could approach me.

Some people who knew me at the time referred to me as a beautiful wild child. I liked the nickname. I was wild in the sense that I was drawn to unconventional things. Unlike most girls who were prudes, I embraced my sexuality. I wore it like a strapless red dress on a hot harmattan afternoon. I knew how to use what I had to get whatever it was I wanted from men.

Maybe it was unfair of me to use men as though they were tools. But let’s be honest, these men wanted to use me too. They would take one look at me and decide the many ways I could serve their carnal needs. It was just a game of who got the most out of the arrangement. I believe I always emerged as the winner. I say this because, by the time I am through with them, these men would be on their knees begging me to even spare them a glance. That’s how much power I wielded.

Once I got a taste of the power I possessed, I was unstoppable. Powerful and influential men even bowed to me. And Theo was no match for these men. He didn’t even qualify to be their errand boy, yet he wanted what they wanted, me. I was the prize but he was nothing. I was a powerful wild girl while he was a weakling who would bend and break at my command. That’s why I chose him.

I knew that among all the men who were begging me for my attention, Theo was the one man I could control without effort. That’s what happens when a man loves you to death. You could even order him to kill himself for you and he would gladly do it.

To let him understand who was in control, I did not accept him immediately he proposed. I stretched him for months. He never got tired. Every time I told him, “No, I am not ready for marriage,” he would say okay but then come back again to propose. He asked me to marry him twelve times before I finally said, “Okay, you are relentless so I will say yes. However, I will marry you based on one condition.” He was excited, “Name anything. I will do whatever it takes to be with you.” I smiled as I told him I wanted an open marriage.

He vehemently shook his head and said, “Nana, I will do anything but that. Please, name something else.” I refused to budge. He didn’t understand why I would commit to marriage with him yet wanted the opportunity to sleep with other people.

I explained, “It’s not just about me. You can also do the same thing. That way there will be nothing like cheating. Statistics show that monogamous couples cheat on their partners at some point in their marriage. That’s why I am not interested in monogamy.” I added that we could both have the freedom to explore other sexual interests as long as the other person knows about it, and we are being safe.

No matter how hard I tried to convince him to see reason, he fought me on it. He said he could not bear the thought of sharing me with another man. I didn’t want to force him to accept something he didn’t want so I suggested he walk away and find himself a nice girl who would keep her legs open for only him. I know myself and I knew I wouldn’t change my mind about wanting an open marriage.

In the end, he stayed. He drudgingly accepted my terms. “I don’t want to share you, but I would rather share you than lose you entirely.” It was not long before we got married.

For three years in our marriage, I had a very colorful and adventurous sex life. I slept with whoever tickled my fancy. Theo tried his best to satisfy me so I wouldn’t need to step out. I gave him the first six months of the marriage. I witnessed him try several ways to be enough for me. Unfortunately, I felt nothing when he touched me. By the time he finishes, I would feel used and empty. I almost lost interest in shuperu because of him. So I went out there and started exploring.

Every time I did it with a new lover, I would come home and tell him all the nitty gritty details of the experience. He would get so upset and punish me with a hot and hard f**k. Unfortunately, it was never enough to keep me happy. Until Bea.

Last year February on Valentine’s Day, Theo and I had a romantic date at the mall. That was where we met Bea. She and her boyfriend were out together. Her man was a hunk. I was drooling just looking at him. I just had to have him. I told Theo how I felt and he got upset.

Although he was not happy about it, he has never refused me anything. He went to them and introduced himself and me. A friendship was built there and then. We didn’t come on strong. We took our time and built their trust, then slowly eased them into the idea of sharing partners. It took almost a year before it finally happened.

That was when my problems started. Theo and Bea hit it off while Kay and I also did. For the first time in our marriage, Theo is sleeping with a woman who is not me, Bea. Unlike me, who had multiple partners, she is the only woman he is doing it with. Worse, he seems to enjoy intimacy with her more than he does with me. What he has with her is beyond physical. That’s what is bothering me. Once emotions get involved, I stand the risk of losing my husband. And I fear that is exactly what is happening.

I know this whole thing was my idea but it’s not working for me anymore. The only man I enjoy intimacy with now is my husband. No other man is doing it for me. What do I do? Should I put an end to the open marriage? Or it’s my turn to suck it up and suffer the way Theo did when I was on the other side of the table?